MAY BE I HAVE TO KNOW!!

I know I have messed it all up! Sometimes, you wake up too late to realize that things in the other room besides your bedroom are not going well, and I am one amongst those people! May be I have to wake up , to realize that my whims , my wishes, my thoughts, my imaginations, my visions don’t have to be right always, because the world is different, from what I perceive it to be.

May be I have to know that everyone is the way he/she is, and I can’t ever change that, may be I don’t have to change either but somehow I have to be perseverant.

May be I have to know that some of my decisions were wrong, and I can’t ever change that, but somehow I have to endure.

May be I have to know that the rosy spectacles with which world appears fragrant to me , were flimsy, and I can’t change that ever, but somehow I have to keep seeing.

May be I have to know that smiles don’t always help, but in a hope that they make life better, somehow I have to keep smiling...

Stability of mind, Peace of soul and happiness are still far, but somehow I have to keep moving on the path of achieving them without getting declined, without getting inclined, without people to help, without complaints to make, without greed, without waves of depressions, without ecstasies of happiness, without anything and with everything yet.

PEOPLE........

This is one of the best things I have heard, from the dearest friend of mine!! Either people are good or they are useless, and that's in absolute agreement with my policy that no one is ever bad!

So, this is about deciding who are the good people? And throw out the useless ones!! Beautiful!!

HOW IT FEELS WITH 99.83, AIR-232 ?

Well, its feels good, that goes without saying! For those ten minutes, when you enter your roll number , to the end of those moments when calls come for congratulating you one after other incessantly, it feels like heaven.

May be after that, everything just becomes the same, the same coffee mugs, same brunch, same home, nothing actually changes! I have pondered about it a lot, does 99.83 make me something else, except being me! No! it doesn't , it can't ever. I am still the same person, same whims, same expectations, same aims, to rise, to do better, to be SOMETHING. But, I could never define that SOMETHING I want to!

Just making an attempt. I want to be AIR 1 if God takes the exam for passing me in life as a person. I want to be a simple person, small happiness, small sadness, living life little at a time, no big parties, no big bungalows, no big cars, I have seen enough of them. May be now, I want to be at HOME always, want to enjoy with MY PEOPLE, want to ride on the car of my dreams. May be that's how life is to be lived- calm, silent, stable, satisfied and most importantly perseverant and resistant to anything that happens around.

MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS THAT STILL HOLD... WILL ALWAYS

1. To be surrounded by chocolates always

2. To live in Kashmir

3. To have lots of teddy bears( Specifically white ones)

4. To get lots of photographs, mine and just mine J

5. To have a hut by the river side to study in( Hut like the one in my paint book)

6. To meet Uncle Scrooge and tell him that he is very rude

7. To travel in a UFO

Well, most of them that I discovered going through my diaries in class five and six when I used to start with... Dear Diary.... Well! Sometimes childhood gets lost, but the really fun is in reliving it back!

LOOKING BACK

Life is long or small, I know not, but it is not the same ever, it’s dynamic, the moment I turn back, I realize how it changes with the speed more than my core duo! Most of the people, I have met are running with the same pace, quick, everything from breakfast to dinner, from morning walks to evening talks is fast, no time to stop. May be that’s why I never want to be like them, I want to be stable , and allow myself the time to at least look back...

For these 35 days, 9 Jan-13 Feb, I had not spoken to anyone, and my life was about getting at 8 in the morning and sleeping at 3 .30 night, studying whole day with two ten minutes breaks for my lunch and dinner, and that’s the perfect definition of “AWFUL”. And that’s what exactly life turns when you don’t talk to your best people... But all the time, whatever I have been, good or bad, concerned or detached there have been a few who have kept me alive, who have kept me happy, this one’s for them...

Papa, because I know I am your life, my smile makes you happy and my tears make you sad, because you have kept me happy, and because of you, I never had to wish, you gave me everything before I asked for it, because you can read my mind even if I am mute, because your Urdu shayari brings me smiles always, because papa, you will always be the best man in my life, and that’s never going to change....

Mummy, for ..... being so graciously my Mom. Because you have always pacified me, because you have always stood besides me, because you have smiled in all situations, because you have made me a fine person, because your belief in me is my strength , and most importantly, because you have made me Rajma Chawal all the time I have asked for itJ

Grandma, because you have cared for me, because you have blessed me, because you have always told me what’s right , because you have kept me stable, because you have been so enchanting even at your age....

My professors for having shown the faith in me that I could do it, for telling me the value of truth and making me follow it, in an Institution where it was almost impossible! For helping me every time I needed your help, for being so wonderfully ideal that I always wanted to follow your footsteps.

And lastly, to my friends, for bearing with me , even when my phone was silent for the whole day, for smiling even after lots of fighting, for not having been annoyed with me even when I was damn tensed, for bearing with my temper, for letting me know that you were always there...

For all of you, be there... It makes me feel blessed....

Money is the creator of the widest gaps, the reason for the biggest wars, the reason for hatred, the reason for repulsion..... I pray, that I never be rich....

It's all about...

It’s not about how much they care, it was never about how much they weigh me in their lives, it is never going to be about how they are, it is about me finding the ways to make them happy, it was about me striving to see them smiling, it is always going to be me.... standing on one side of that road that joins the chords between my heart and them.. Wanting them to be the most fortunate people ever. Yes, it is about some people whom I am not acquainted to see in pain and may be I never will be.. Because my mornings starts with Prayers... for ‘them’, my days go Beautiful...because of ‘them’, my evenings stroll with Thoughts...about ‘them’ , and my nights end with Dreams... with ‘them’.....

Some people I say are the reasons that I am, are the causes that I am, are the needs that I am, are the ramifications that I ever will be, are the consequences that I ever will be... For all such people, without whom I am incomplete...

My heart just has to say,

That come what may,

You will find me standing back,

On your each and every way,

If you ..

Ever feel tight,

When something’s not right,

Don’t hide,

Don’t keep inside,

And I....

Won’t have solutions to solve,

Won’t have money to resolve,

Won’t have advice to give,

Won’t have tenets to live,

I might be weak, might be low,

Might be worried, might be slow,

But I...

Will make you smile,

Make sure you laugh for a while,

Will lessen your pain.

Make sure you enjoy the rain.

Will be with you till the heavens die,

Make sure you never never never sigh